So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
