I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
