Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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