I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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