This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
