something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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