Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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