I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
