He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
