i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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