Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
