Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
