Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
