I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
