I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
