I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
