i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
