I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
