I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize