She just used a chaser for red wine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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