Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
