walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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