she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
