I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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