I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
