just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
