I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
