she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk is a universal language darling
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
