His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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