I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
