i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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