He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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