upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
