Just cropdusted the office
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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