Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my liver is dry heaving
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