Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize