The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
