my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
