y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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