I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
