I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
