So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
