I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
