man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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