i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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