Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
