I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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