quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
