ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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