A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
