I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
