shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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