There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
