haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
