Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
