i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
