never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
