Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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