I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
