at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
