Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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