3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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