i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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