so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When are your genitals available?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
