Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
