There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
