He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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