I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
