I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
