I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she smelled like a LAN party
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
