I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
