Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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