she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
