You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize