Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
