Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
