so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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