I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
