He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
