Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
