i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
