I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
