Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
