I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
