Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
