I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
