...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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