Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
