he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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